Link (That’s me.)

 

The July 2009 Ohio Bar results:

 

 

 

Mallory = Yoshimi

Mallory has evil robots of her own. I know she can beat them. She won’t let them defeat me.

(Don’t know why, but this song just reminded me of Mal.)

I actually saw this on a Comedy Central show called Tosh.O.

Me and the host had the exact same reaction when we saw this clip, “Did that just happen???”

One thing’s for sure, I don’t write about me or my family often enough in this blog, but I’m feeling rather introspective at the moment. I spend so much time thinking . . . okay, worrying . . . no, fretting about the future, I don’t make enough time to sit and think about how I’m doing and what I’m accomplishing. So, to answer a few pertinent questions:

1. How am I doing?

You know what? I’m doing really well. I’ve got a lot of good things going for me. And I’ve got the best thing any man could ask for: Mallory. She’s a strong, talented, clever, thoughtful, and caring bombshell of a woman. She supports me in all of my adventures whether it be school, home, or work. She accepts me for who I am: both the mature part and the ever present not-so-mature part. She is amazing at what she does and is a great financial support. I’ve seen her do her thing. I only wish I could do what I do with half the skill and passion that she does. In all honesty, I am so lucky to have her. And those who know her would have to agree with me.

I have no real complaints. I’m healthy. I have a loving family. I have a lot to be grateful for.

2. What have I accomplished?

I fret so much about where I’ll be working or how I’m going to provide for my family down the road, I completely miss what I’m doing now. Sometimes I need to stop and really think about what I’ve done. Here’s a list of what I’ll have accomplished from 2001-2010. (Yeah, Mal, this may make you feel “old,” but we crossed that bridge a long time ago, remember? For those who aren’t aware, early on in our courtship, Mal would often bring up the age gap between us. Finally after a couple months of dating I asked, “Well, do you want to stop dating me then?” “No! Of course not!” “Then let’s get over it.” We haven’t really discussed it much since . . .)

Back to the list:

2001: Graduate from Orem High School

2001-02: Attend one year at BYU

2002-04: Serve 25 months as a full-time missionary in Vilnius and Kaunas, Lithuania.

2006: Graduate from BYU with B.S. in Economics

2006: Start law school at THE Ohio State University’s Moritz College of Law

2008: Marry Mallory Beth Meteer in the Columbus Ohio Temple (June 21, 2008)

2009: Purchase my first investments on the stock market (for me, a complete right-of-passage moment)

2009: Graduate from Ohio State with a J.D.

2009: Pass the Bar and begin practicing as a lawyer

2010: Be well into my first true career (something that I’ve been working toward for over a quarter of a century)

2010: Bring a beautiful son or daughter into the Fielding Family by Dec.31 2010 (and for those of you freaking out, it’s not unheard of for a couple to start having kids within the first 2.5 years of marriage–and no, Mal is not pregnant.)

Needless to say, I’ll have had a rather eventful decade.

3. What could I do better?

This may be a character flaw, but despite all these great things that have happened–or will happen–I still see room for improvement. I could be a better husband, I could be more thoughtful and more selfless, I could eat healthier, I could be in better shape, and I could be more devoted to God.

However, I look forward to tackling those things. Those short comings don’t scare me or depress me . . . they encourage me. I see room for improvement. I see potential. I’m good now, but I can be great. And that gives me hope and pushes me to work harder tomorrow.

4. What’s in store?

Yeah, I’m talking about the future here, but I’m not fretting about it. So what’s in store? Yeah, I don’t have a job lined up yet. But I will. I’ll make that happen. I’m sure of it. I don’t have as much control over it right now since I haven’t passed the bar yet. But I will pass the bar, and I will be working and establishing myself. I look forward to it.

But like I said, I can’t control that too well right now. But what can I control? This summer’s agenda is short but exciting for me:

a. Study for the bar (basically it’s going to be a 9-6 job for me five days a week)

b. Work out (I’ve actually purchased the P90X discs and I am stoked to get my trash kicked every day; I’m really, REALLY looking forward to this)

c. Strengthen my spiritual connection with God and my wife: read the scriptures each day; pray more fervently; attend the temple

d. Dote on my wife . . . frequently

CONCLUSION

So really, I shouldn’t fret. Yeah, I don’t have a job lined up yet, but newsflash, Lincoln, you’re not alone in that boat. I’m looking forward to this summer. Heck, I’m looking forward to this next year. A lot is going to happen. A lot is going to change. This is a great time to be alive.

So I’m going to smile more, be content with what I can do now, and pour my heart into what I have control over.

But this is by far the coolest I’ve ever seen them do:

I know I don’t post often enough and no one reads my blog anymore, but I still have to post this:

BEARS SIGN CUTLER!

Oh yeah, and the bears signed offensive lineman Orlando Pace too.

BAILING YOURSELF OUT by Ben Stein

Here is some good news and some bad news. I’ll give you the bad news first.

I was on a panel of smart, pleasant men and women last week, discussing the economy and, in particular, how it is affecting people selling vehicles with tires and wheels. I told the audience that the Federal Reserve, which has unlimited power to print money, had a program called the Term Asset Backed Lending Facility (TALF) that would help dealers restock their showrooms. I said I knew it hadn’t started yet but I thought it would start soon.

A gentleman on the panel — an intelligent, articulate, honest young man — said that, as a Fed employee himself, he knew the Fed was straining every nerve to get the TALF started. He said they are pulling people off their trucks who used to work on delivering cash to banks. That’s how hard they are working.

Friends and Internet neighbors, I felt like weeping. As I said to this man, “I know this isn’t your fault. But the Fed has an unlimited budget. They could hire some of the tens of thousands of young bankers recently laid off on Wall Street to get this program started. It needs to be started YESTERDAY! Why aren’t they getting professional bankers instead of people who work in trucking to do this?”

It’s Called ‘Government’ for a Reason

The man pleasantly said that legislators were always criticizing the Fed’s budget and so they had to be careful where they spent their money. This is an entity that has genuinely unlimited money. And people selling cars, trucks, and trailers are bleeding without that TALF facility — and some will die.

Anyhow, as I listened to that man, I thought, “Hey, why am I surprised? It’s called ‘the government’ for a reason. It has its own pace and its own ideas of what’s right and wrong.’”

Now that’s the bad news.

You have been — you are now — bombarded every day with TV shows, radio news, and newspapers telling you of this government support plan and that government support plan and how they are going to rescue you. To which I can only say, when you hear the word ‘government,’ in your mind, substitute the words ‘Department of Motor Vehicles.’ When was the last time they rescued you? When was the last time they bailed you out of anything at all?

Look, I worked for the government for many years. The men and women I worked with were some of the finest people on this earth. But there are only a few of them and a lot of us. They have their hands full. Yes, they can help you by mailing you a check. They can help you by cutting your taxes, and I hope they do. They can “bail out” specific industries for a while, such as we just saw with Detroit.

They definitely help you by fighting for your freedom.

But to expect that ‘government’ is a fairy godmother who will rescue you from your problems over any long period is just fantasy. Here’s the good news: This country will be rescued by each of us doing what we can do in our own individual sphere of action as government works in its sphere of action. There are roughly 142 million men and women in the labor force. Their ingenuity, flexibility, energy, and confidence will make more difference than anything government does on an individual basis — which is not to take away a thing from the effects of good policy.

In the free society, we rescue ourselves. I think in particular of a young man who graduated from Williams College in 1935. It was hard times, with almost 20 percent unemployment, as we now know.

The young man had no money and few connections. But he didn’t know what he didn’t have, and he didn’t know how deep the Depression was. So he just went out, got a teaching job in Iowa, used the money to work and study at The University of Chicago, found a wife, and started a career that took him to fame and prosperity. He didn’t count on anyone else to do it for him. He was a Phi Beta Kappa from a great college, but he didn’t hesitate to wash dishes for a meal and a quarter.

That man was my father.

I think of Herbert Hoover, who graduated from mining engineering school in the late 1880s. Just as he was entering the labor force in 1893, a huge Depression hit. But he didn’t know about it because there were few statistics, so he headed out West, started a mining enterprise, and became a millionaire.

Put Down the Paper and Get to Work

If you spend the day reading about how bad things are, you will never get out of bed. If you put down the paper and get to work, and then work twice as hard and twice as smart as you used to, and maybe take less pay right up front, you will get ahead.

Here is a lesson from my father: In every economic era, there is always a shortage of talented, creative, well-educated workers. Be one of those workers.

I think of my pal Barron Thomas, a talented salesman of airplanes and related items and services. Since the recession hit in earnest in the fall, I hardly get to talk to him. Why? Because he works all the time. He makes the deals the other guys are too lazy or short-sighted to make. If you absolutely, positively want it to be sold, if you want to buy at the best price, you go to Barron Thomas. The flight world knows it, and he gets sales. Plus, he doesn’t get depressed, because he’s working too hard to get depressed. He gets that endorphin rush, that glorious feeling of self-esteem one gets from working hard and being exhausted at the end of a successful day.

My point isn’t to plug Barron. He’s got a huge reputation already. My point is to tell you that the hard-working people will still get work. They will have money to spend. They will spend it, and eventually it will pull us out of this darned recession.

Earn Your Success

I think of Henry Luce, who started ‘Fortune’ magazine when the Great Depression was well under way, or Bill Benton, who started one of the most successful ad agencies of all time, Benton & Bowles, during the Depression. They didn’t expect a bailout. They expected to earn their success — and they did.

Imagination, hard work, and persistence can conquer any phase of the business cycle. Imitate Mr. Thomas, Mr.Bowles, and Mr. Luce. Let other people get depressed by the headlines. Let other people wait around for Mr. Obama to rescue them. You go out and go to work, using every resource of energy and imagination you have. The DMV is not going to bail you out. By and large, and with a few exceptions, you have to bail yourself out.

Get to work.

How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today’s World?

 For many years Ben Stein has written a biweekly column called “Monday Night At Morton’s.” (Morton’s is a famous chain of Steakhouses known to be frequented by movie stars and famous people from around the globe.) Now, Benis terminating the column to move on to other things in his life. ?Reading his final column is worth a few minutes of your time.

 Ben Stein’s Last Column…

 How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today’s World?

 As I begin to write this, I “slug” it, as we writers say, which means I put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is “eonlineFINAL,” and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never end.

 It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person and the world’s change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton’s, whil e better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to. It still brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars. I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit, and right before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a super movie. But Morton’s is not the star galaxy it once was, though it probably will be again.

 Beyond that, a bigger change has happened.? I no longer think Hollywood stars are terribly important They are uniformly pleasant, friendly people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all look up to.

 How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figur e wage and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today’s world, if by a “star” we mean someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails.

 They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any longer. A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world.

 A real star is the U.S.soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a road north of Baghdad. He appr oached it, and the bomb went off and killed him.

 A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S. soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.

 The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.

 We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.

 I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that who is eating at Morton’s is a big subject.

 There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament…the policemen and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no idea if they will return alive; the orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for surgery; the teachers and nurses who throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic children; the kind men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards.

 Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World Trade Center as the towers began to collapse. Now you have my idea of a real hero.

 I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin..or Martin Mull or Fred Willard–or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.

 But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to be my main task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister’s help). I cared for and paid attention to them in th eir declining years. I stayed with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into a coma and then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.

 This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.

 Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.
 By Ben Stein

Readers,

Yes, I know this is unprecedented: I am blogging for the second day in a row. However, people, I feel compelled to do so. These powerful feelings force me to propose new legislation that should be enacted across the country. Heck, the United Nations should consider doing something about this epidemic.

Some background:

In criminal law, we can fit wrongs/crimes into two categories: (1) malum prohibitum and (2) malum in se. The first category of wrongs, malum prohibitum, are crimes because society labels such actions as wrong (“wrong because it is prohibited”). The second category of wrongs, malum in se, are crimes because they are inherently wrong (“wrong because it is”).

Examples of the first category, malum prohibitum, are speeding, loitering, and the like. Examples of the second, malum per se, include assault, theft, and the like.

My proposed legislation addresses a wrong that isn’t wrong because society should say so, but is wrong because it just plain is.

And without further ado, I present “The Lincoln Act” in a rough form:

The Lincoln Act

Crime Name: “Unlawful Elevator Usage”

Type of Crime: 4th Degree Misdemeanor

Defined: It shall be unlawful for any person of any age to use a public elevator for the purpose of going up or down 1 or 2 flights. Only individuals who (a) suffer from an extreme physical inability or (b) are transporting a large quantity of items are exempt from this statute. Individuals with a rolling briefcase do not qualify under subsection (b).

Punishment: Up to $250 fine, up to 30 days in jail, and mandatory 20 hours of climbing stairs.

That’s right, I’m making it against the law for all those ridiculous people who use the elevator to go up 1 or 2 flights of stairs.

It just drives me bonkers when I’m going up 17 flights and someone hops on at floor 12 just to go to floor 13. It’s not a crime because society should say so. That, people, is a crime against humanity. Now, yes, I understand that there are people who are too old or whose limbs aren’t existent/functioning. I account for that. And there are people who have lots and lots of stuff to carry. I account for that too. However, if you don’t fit in one of those two categories, I have a third and separate category for you: “Lazy.” Take the stairs for heaven’s sakes! And no, I don’t care if you have a heavy backpack or rolling briefcase. Pick it up!

You wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me at work. At least three to five times a day, I swear. Additionally, I was subjected to an even wrong, that deserves its own separate definition:

Crime Name: “Aggravated Unlawful Elevator Usage”

Type of Crime: 3rd Degree Misdemeanor

Defined: Includes all elements of “Unlawful Elevator Usage.” However, it becomes “aggravated” when an individual enters the elevator, selects a floor two flights up, and as doors are closing proceeds to realize that he in fact only needed to travel one flight of stairs. Thus subjecting existing elevator occupants to not one but two unnecessary elevator stops. Thanks, buddy.

Punishment: Up to $400 fine, up to 45 days in jail, and mandatory 100 hours of climbing stairs.

That happened to me on Monday. Defense attorney walks into elevator on floor 10. “Alright, great, floor 12,” he says as he presses the button clearly labeled “12.” I roll my eyes a little. Doors begin to close. “Oh wait . . .” His chubby finger proceeds to press button “11.” Uhhh . . . it was about all I could do to prevent myself from audibly blurting, “Are you serious?“

Individuals are obviously unable to combat the serious problem Unlawful Elevator Usage. If the government doesn’t step in, people will continue to harm themselves and those around them. Only through passing the Lincoln Act can this harm be averted.

Readers, rampant laziness and apathy is sweeping across the nation. Across the globe. Contact your local congressman to get the Lincoln Act passed in your community. You’ll be glad you did.

Sincerely,

Lincoln Elliott Fielding, Not-quite-esquire

(On a side note, I bet my parents and Mallory are sure glad that my legal education is being put to good use.)